


It Should've Been Me Not Him

by KaylaRachille



Series: Ashivia Scene Fix-Its and Episode Alternate Endings [6]
Category: All American (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, F/M, Fix-It, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Injury, Injury Recovery, Making Up, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Strained Relationships, Surgery, Underage Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:01:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26336893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaylaRachille/pseuds/KaylaRachille
Summary: Missing scene set between Season Two Episode Eleven‘Crossroads’and Episode Twelve‘Only Time Will Tell’:After Spencer makes it through his surgery Olivia gets a text from Asher asking if they can talk through everything that happened leading up to and at the cotillion.Snippet from Story:Meet me in fifteen minutes at the fountain. She erases the heart emoji three times before she finally sends the text without it.I’m already here. Is his quick reply unusually void of the heart emoji that he usually sends along with his texts.Be right there. She quickly types back her heart skipping a beat knowing that he went to one of her favorite places that she shared with him only a few months ago when she finally let herself fully feel her feelings for him she had been trying to push down for months. With her thumb hovering over the send button she quickly adds in a heart emoji to the end of her text hoping that it is enough for him to know that she still loves him despite everything that has happened between them.(Contains Spoilers)
Relationships: Asher Adams/Olivia Baker, Olivia Baker & Spencer James
Series: Ashivia Scene Fix-Its and Episode Alternate Endings [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848343
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	It Should've Been Me Not Him

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, y’all! 😊 
> 
> This a companion piece to my previous story _I Should’ve Been There For You_ so if you haven’t read that one then please read it first. 
> 
> So, I wanted so badly to see a conversation between Olivia and Asher where he apologized for everything that happened at the cotillion that she promised they would have later after he arrived at the hospital but sadly, we never saw it. 
> 
> So, I decided to write my take on it which I hope y’all will enjoy! <3 
> 
> Please Note: This story involves talks of alcoholism, underage drug use, injuries, surgery, self-doubt, self-worth issues, self-esteem issues, and self-hatred so if any of that could be possibly triggering to you in any way then please read with extra caution and care! <3
> 
> P.S. This ended up going in a completely different direction then I had originally planned so I hope that it is still good! I added in some sweetness and ice cream to the end. <3

_“Thank you for saving me.”_

Olivia whispers the five words that she has waited hours to say to Spencer once she turns off the record button ending their podcast episode as she leans back in the bed next to him carefully not to jostle him or his arm that is now in a sling. 

Now with her head laying against his chest with his heartbeat beating steadily into her ear, she feels like finally everything will be okay. 

“Anytime.” He promises her his words coming out slightly sluffed as the pain medicine starts to take hold. 

She smiles up at him even though he’s already drifting off to sleep. 

_Why did this have to happen to Spencer?_ She thinks as her smile falters as she recalls everything he has been through even before the shooting. The thought of how close she was to losing him terrifies as tears gather in the corner of her eyes. 

The sound of her phone vibrating in her purse shakes her from her spiraling dark thoughts bringing her back to the present where she can feel the gentle rise and fall of Spencer’s chest under her cheek. 

_He’s okay. He’s alive._ She tells herself in an effort to calm her racing heart before she gently leans forward in the bed to grab her phone from her purse. 

Unlocking her phone, she sighs when she sees she has a text from Asher knowing that it was inevitable that he would want to talk about everything that happened between them these past few days. 

_Is it later yet?_ His text reads which she imagines that he had typed out a much longer message that he had erased before typing out a much shorter one. 

She sighs again before she locks her phone knowing the sooner she has the conversation with Asher that she knows that they need to have the better the outcome will be. 

She watches Spencer’s chest rise and fall five more times before carefully getting out of the bed as she squeezes Spencer’s hand before she backs quietly out of his room. 

“Olivia?” Grace questions as she sees her son’s friend coming toward her down the hall with her head down. “It’s so good to see you baby.” She tells her pulling her into a warm hug. 

“It’s good to see you too Ms. James.” Olivia says as she gently rests her head against Spencer’s mom’s shoulder. 

“Now Olivia you know to call me Grace.” Grace tells her with a warm smile as she pulls back holding her at arm’s length. 

“Right. Yeah, I know.” Olivia admits with a shy smile. 

“So, how is he?” Grace asks cautiously taking a glance toward her son’s hospital room door. 

“He fell back asleep before I left.” Olivia explains as she steps back out of Grace’s embrace following her gaze to Spencer’s door. 

“That’s good.” Grace states nodding as she turns her attention back to Olivia. “How are you doing?” She asks as she readjusts her purse strap back up onto her shoulder. 

“I’m okay Grace.” Olivia tells her playing with the Velcro strap on her wrist brace. 

“Okay.” Grace simply says not wanting to push her. “I’m here if you need anything.” She assures her before she steps around her to go sit with her son. 

“Thanks.” Olivia whispers with a grateful smile. “Oh, wait I have something for you and Dillion.” She explains reaching into her purse when she remembers the gift cards. “I got Dillion a gift card for the frozen yogurt place across the street and I got you a gift card for _Starbucks_ since I know that you will be needing some caffeine.” She explains handing them to Grace. 

“Oh, Olivia thank you so much.” Grace says with tears forming in her eyes at the girl’s kindness. 

“You’re welcome Grace.” Olivia tells her with a small smile. “And tell Dillion that I checked out the frozen yogurt place and that there aren’t any _Crenshaw Cathies_ there.” She explains with a slight chuckle even though the memory of the day where the owner of the frozen yogurt place in Crenshaw thought there were in a gang and called the police is still fresh in her mind. 

“I will. Thank you again.” Grace tells her once she places the gift cards into her purse thankful that her youngest son can get a frozen yogurt in a safe non judging place this time. 

“Anytime.” Olivia promises her before Grace turns around and walks into Spencer’s hospital room. 

Olivia stands in the hallway a moment longer after the door clicks shut behind Grace leaving her alone once more as she hopes that Spencer will make a full recovery before letting out a tired sigh taking out her phone from her purse to finally text Asher back. 

_Meet me in fifteen minutes at the fountain._ She erases the heart emoji three times before she finally sends the text without it. 

She’s walking through the automatic sliding doors at the front of the hospital when her phone lights up with his reply. 

_I’m already here_. Is his quick reply unusually void of the heart emoji that he usually sends along with his texts. 

_Be right there._ She quickly types back her heart skipping a beat knowing that he went to one of her favorite places that she shared with him only a few months ago when she finally let herself fully feel her feelings for him she had been trying to push down for months. With her thumb hovering over the send button she quickly adds in a heart emoji to the end of her text hoping that it is enough for him to know that she still loves him despite everything that has happened between them. 

She takes in a deep breath before she starts her car readying herself for the hard conversation, she knows that she and Asher are about to have. 

*** 

As she gets out of her car Olivia looks up to the bright blue sky which is such a harsh contrast to the events of the last couple of days that she hopes it is a sign that things can only get better moving forward. 

The tranquil sound of the rippling water is a welcome antidote to her frayed nerves as she takes in a deep breath letting herself relax as she walks along the short stone-paved trail toward the fountain. 

She smiles at a couple of young kids playing in the pool of water around the fountain reminding her of all the times that her and Jordan played here when they were younger waiting on their mom when she would have a work lunch with her colleagues or clients. 

She rounds the fountain wishing that she could rewind back to the day that she brought Asher her and they kissed wanting nothing more to feel the happiness and love she’d felt from being in his arms that day again before everything got so complicated. 

She pauses when her eyes land on Asher sitting alone on the bench farthest away from the fountain with his head in his hands. As she steps closer to him she observes his crumpled clothing from the day before and his usually neat hair that is now sticking up randomly all over his head like he has spent hours running his fingers nervously through it as she comes to the conclusion that even after he had left her house earlier that morning just after sunrise that he hadn’t showered or maybe he hadn’t even gone home. 

_I hope he’s not living in his car again._ She thinks as she hesitantly steps up to the bench. 

“Hi.” She says in a quiet tone waving to him as she waits for him to acknowledge her before she sits down so that she doesn’t startle him. 

“Hey.” Asher mumbles barely flicking his eyes over to her direction letting his arms fall limply into his lap as he straightens his posture. “How's Spencer?” He asks scooting to the edge of the bench as Olivia sits down beside him averting his gaze out toward the fountain. 

“He’s going to be okay. The doctors are hopeful that he will make a full recovery, but he has a long road ahead of him.” She explains in a gentle tone moving closer to him intentionally leaving out the information that Spencer may not be able to use his arm in the same way again. 

“That’s good.” He nods stiffly continuing to stare at the blue water flowing in the fountain with the sunlight glinting brightly off the coins that are settled underneath the rippling water. 

“Are you okay Asher?” She asks placing a gentle hand on his forearm staring intently at the indention in his cheek knowing that he is chewing on the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood which is a nervous habit he’s had since they were kids. 

“What?” He asks in confusion rapidly blinking his eyes as he processes her question. “I’m fine.” He assures her unsure of why she is concerned about him. 

“Did you get some sleep after you left my house?” She asks scooting closer to him until their thighs touch. 

“Not really...” He answers quietly deciding to be honest with her well not about everything since he still has his darkest secret, the bottle of steroids, buried underneath his dirty clothes in his duffel bag. 

“Did you go home?” She questions hesitantly afraid of his answer. 

“For a little while.” He says not telling her that he found his dad passed out drunk on the couch for the fifth time this week or that he couldn’t close his eyes when he did lay down for even a second because every time he did all he saw was her on the ground with Spencer bleeding out next to her. 

“Okay.” She nods relieved that he at least isn’t homeless again. She follows his gaze out to the fountain remembering how when she and Jordan were kids, they would always throw coins into the water making their wishes as they did. 

“I’m so sorry Liv...” Asher starts to apologize after nearly five minutes of silence pass in between them but he trails off when the words get stuck in his throat. 

“You already apologized Ash.” She assures him even though if she was completely honest a dull anger still burned in the pit of her stomach when every time, she thought of him blowing off her cotillion for football. But as she moves his hand up along his arm to rest it on his shoulder she can see it in the way that his shoulders are slumped forward and there is a look of guilt and remorse clouding his eyes that something is eating away at him. 

”Even though you were acting like that the cotillion wasn’t a big deal to you I could tell that it was. But then I was too caught up in my own self to pay attention to what was important to you and I chose football over you.” Asher finally admits as he swallows against the lump forming in his throat. “What kind of person does that make me?” He asks in desperation as he places his head back into his hands causing Olivia’s hand to slide off his shoulder from his abrupt movements. 

“Ash...” She finally says blinking away her surprise at his words. “Hey, look at me.” She instructs as she gently pries his hands away from his face cupping his face with her hands, so he has no choice but to look at her. “Asher.” She begins pausing to send him a kind smile. “You’ve made some mistakes, but I know that your anger sometimes comes from fear.” She tells him pulling him back to her when he tries to move back out of her grip hoping that her next words will make his look of fear of losing her fade away from his eyes. “And I also know that you care a lot about me and what’s important to me.” She assures him knowing that he truly does. 

“Please don’t make excuses for me.” He tells her taking a sharp intake of breath as he shakes his head pulling out of her grasp. 

“I’m not. But I understand you more than anyone. And I know who you are deep down.” She promises him grabbing a hold of his hand. 

“A fuck up.” He scoffs through gritted teeth. 

“No, you’re not—” Olivia tries to assure him before he cuts her off. 

“Yes, I am. And soon enough you’ll realize that and stop trying to save me.” He explains not understanding how she doesn’t hate him for the things he said to her jerking his hand out of hers. 

“Ash you’re not a fuck up.” She tells him hoping that he’ll listen. 

He hangs his head in disgust at himself for directing the anger he is feeling at himself toward her — the only person that he feels like right now actually gives a damn about him. 

“It should’ve been me not him.” Asher whispers shutting his eyes tightly against the tears threatening to fall. 

“What?” Olivia asks in shock recoiling back as if he had slapped her. 

“I’m the one that deserved to be shot not Spencer.” He tells her his words coming out sharper then he means. 

“What the hell are you talking about Asher? No one deserved to get shot last night. Not Spencer. And not you.” She scoffs in utter disbelief at what he is saying. 

“I mean Spencer actually has a family that cares about him and a whole damn community that does too.” He explains as if his words justify his reasoning for himself being more deserving of being shot. “No one would have cared if it were me.” He says barely above a whisper dropping his eyes back down to his lap. 

“Asher don’t you dare say that.” She tells him placing her fingertips under his chin so she can look him in the eye again. 

“It’s true.” He says resisting the urge to pull away from her touch. “My dad is always too busy getting drunk until he passes out and my mom is living her own life in Malibu to care about what happens to me.” He explains flicking his gaze back out to the fountain away from her caring gaze. 

“No, it’s not. Asher listen to me please.” She tells him gently turning his face back toward her as she sends him an understanding smile. “I would’ve cared about you. I do care about you.” She promises leaning so close to his face that her breath tickles the end of his nose. 

“But you shouldn’t.” He tells her pulling out of her touch. “And people would say that I deserved it for how I treated you at the cotillion.” He explains begging her to understand. 

“Asher, I know you’re sorry for everything that happened.” She tells him leaning in closer to him but without touching him. “And I know that you would do anything to change what happened. But now it’s up to you to change going forward.” She says cautiously grabbing his hand. 

Asher nods taking in a deep breath biting on his bottom lip as he takes in her words. 

“I…” He starts but trails off when he can’t find the right words or the energy to argue with her reasoning anymore. “I'm sorry.” He whispers as a stray tear slips down his cheek. 

“I know you are.” She tells him as a sob escapes past his lips and she pulls him in for a comforting hug. “I forgive you.” She whispers into his ear the three words that she knows he needs to hear the most right now. 

Olivia holds Asher as he cries feeling her own cheeks become wet as they both release all of their suppressed emotions from the last few days. 

“Sorry.” Asher whispers his voice still thick with emotion when he pulls back out of their embrace his cheeks reddening with embarrassment. 

“I’m always here for you Ash.” She tells him with a soft smile. “So, let’s go.” She instructs holding out her hand toward him for him to take as she stands up from the bench. 

“Where are we going?” He asks taking her hand as his brow furrows in confusion when she pulls him up next to her. 

“To go get an ice cream cone.” She states as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world. 

“Ice cream is your answer to everything isn’t it.” He says with a light chuckle as a smile spreading across his face for the first time in days. 

“Hey what can I say it’s my favorite comfort food.” She says as she shrugs joining in on his laughter. 

“It's becoming mine too.” He tells her squeezing her hand as they walk around the fountain. 

She smirks as she pulls him with her into the water that is pooling around the fountain like they did months ago. 

“What if I told you that I have fallen in love with you.” She tells him grabbing his other hand as they face each other. 

“And what if I told you that I have fallen in love with you too.” He says leaning in closer toward her face as he slides his eyes down to her lips. 

“If you don’t want me to kiss you then please say something now.” She whispers repeating his own words from months earlier from the morning after her birthday as she leans her face in closer to his smiling when he makes a motion to zip his lips and pretending to throw away the key as he did their first day at the fountain that feels like a lifetime ago. She presses her lips to his in a feather-light kiss that holds so much more promise and love than any of their previous more heated kisses. 

“How about we go get that ice cream cone now?” She asks him against his lips as both of their lips curl into identical content smiles. 

“As you wish Olivia.” He tells her with a lighthearted chuckle as he lets her lead them away from the steadily flowing waters of the fountain. 

Olivia steals a glance at Asher as they walk to the small ice cream shop down the street feeling relieved when she sees that his jaw is now unclenched and his eyes are shining brightly and have lightened back to their usual sky blue color. 

She giggles as she runs her hand through his hair trying to get his hair to lay back down in a somewhat neater style. 

“You really should have told me I looked like hell.” He says but his voice is light and holds none of the heaviness from before as he catches a glimpse of himself in an empty shop window. 

“And give up the opportunity to run my fingers through your hair. Never.” She says teasingly dropping her hand from his hair when she is finally satisfied that his hair finally looks somewhat normal. 

“Thanks.” He tells her with an easy smile as they continue once more to walk down the street. “I honestly don’t what I would do without you Olivia.” He admits honestly as he looks down at their joined hands and then back up to her face finding only love shining in her eyes. 

“And I don’t know what I would do without you either Asher.” She tells him curling in closer to his side as the sign for the ice cream shop comes into view. 

“After you my love.” He says as he holds open the bubble gum pink door for her as the bell above the door chimes an invite for them to come inside. 

She smiles at him before she steps through the door waiting for him to step up beside her as the door closes behind them and they walk hand and hand across the pastel-colored tiles toward the counter to choose their ice cream flavors. 

_Maybe things are going to be okay after all._ She thinks as she waits for Asher to order his ice cream cone before she orders her own giving his hand a squeeze which he immediately returns. 

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope y'all enjoyed this one! :D 
> 
> If you did please leave me a comment with your thoughts and/or a kudo! 
> 
> Your guy's comments and kudos make my day and make me smile! 💛
> 
> P.S. I have two more parts planned for this series which will be number eight and nine that I hope to have posted really soon and I hope y'all will like them too! <3
> 
> P.S.S. Please let me know if there is any specific scene that you would for me to rewrite for you as I would be more than happy to write it! :D


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